Log Date : 25 October 2024

 Can't sleep and won't sleep.

I think I just want to cry tonight. I saw random vids on Tiktok, and sometimes I shed tears. The thing still lingers. No vids gave me that anymore.

Log Date : 16 October 2024

I used to write. A lot.

I made stories. I made plays. I made anything that makes me to be acknowledged as a wordsmith.

I wrote on papers, I wrote on Words, I wrote at Blogger since I was a high schooler, I wrote at Wordpress, I wrote on Medium, I wrote at walls and notebooks and whatever.

I always try to remind myself via a statement to my wife : "I need to be more productive". But it will always end up by scrolling aimlessly at Instagram or TikTok, scrolling at endless pit of Youtube, listening to music that I never heard before, favoriting items that I know it will be gone soon if I didn't check it out by next ten minutes. I need to be more productive. But she will always said "we won't have time for that, anymore."

I want to write more. I got a shitton of things inside my head, even when I writing this shit. Bad jokes, cheesy love story, sad adventure, an unrequited love stories, a stories of a man that failed himself. A stories of a murder. Stories for kids, for my children to read when they are able to read. But somehow I know that I can't.

I want to be like Murakami, I want to be like Raditya Dika. I want to be expressing myself, my mind, my concern, my heart into writing. Because deep down, I know, I write because I want to escape my life.

My current life is wonderful, I can't grateful enough for it. I got a lovely wife and two beautiful children. I got a job that held the economic of our family, I got a place to sleep on. I got vehicle, I got stuff.

But sometimes, sometimes, things hurl wildly inside me. Like a hurricane without ending, like a snowball that kept rolling. I read and watched The Shining. I'm afraid that I will come to this room, open the word processor and kept writing "All work no play, Jack is a dull boy."

Haruki Murakami deciding himself to become a writer when attending a baseball match of his favorite team - Swallows. He knew he can write at that moment.

I'm still looking at that moment to happen in my life.

I'm still lock up the hurricane inside me, to hurl down even bigger.

Log Date : 29 Februari 2024

 A leap year.

Sebuah tahun yang dimana hari ini hanya akan datang 4 tahun lagi. Tanggal 29 Februari. What will happen today? I wrote this post at five in the morning, while Selvy, Zell and Raffa still sleeping at their best. I made a cup of instant coffee, move out my laptop and keyboard to the living room, and pull out the Mee-Do chair. Accompanied by the sound of small waterfall on the mini aquarium we had and a constant sizzling sound of the rain outside with a pinch of thunders. Today might be a one different day. Might be.

Rereading several posts I've made here, makes me realize how inconsistent I am as a writer. And I think I want to fix it. I have decided that 2024 will be the year that I'm back as The Writer. Will it be FromTheseGlasses or Journal of Memory or my long forgotten stories or brand new short stories or maybe a compendium of lore for FromTheseRolls - I will write. What ever it will be. Let's see how many writings will it be in the end of December 2024.

On the other note but still relevant with the passion of Writing that came up suddenly as I rereading the first chapter of Jack Keroac's On The Road several hour before I decided to bring my laptop to the living room, I also wanted to read more. And somehow, recently, I find reading meeting proceedings are pleasant. Not just that, but also reading scientific journals that made by people who do hard working and spending their time researching giving me such willingness to read. So I decided that I want to add more readings this years, from fiction to scientific journals. But please - no non-fiction books of management, leadership, soul-soup bullshit.

Tuhkan, jadi pake bahasa Inggris.

Log Date : 31 December 2022

Hi.

Yes, lo kembali lagi ke blog ini setelah sekian lama tidak disentuh. Dan seperti biasa, lo masih menganggap hal ini sudah seperti keharusan saja: akhir tahun berarti recap kehidupan untuk dibaca kehidupan lo mendatang.

Marilah kita mulai, pakcik. And as always, I'll list it with bullet points.

• First of all, congratulations you fuck bastard on your second child! Semoga anak kedua ini tetap sehat, tetap sempurna, tetap ganteng / cantik. Sampai tulisan ini ditulis, lo dan Selvy masih belum tau apakah dia cewe atau cowo. But I hope, he/she will be perfect and healthy.
• Taun ini lo sudah 7 tahun di Indonesia Re, dan sudah 4 tahun di HC. Dan di tahun ini, lebih tepatnya di bulan Desember ini, you fuckin shed a tears. We both knows its about us being a MT - a failed MT to be exact. At least yg kita fikirkan adalah our boss knew about it. Finally, one baggage lifted off.
• Zell sudah sangat pintar. Dan lucu. Keep support her, jangan kebanyakan ngelarang. Biarin dia belajar. I know, kita takut dia kenapa-kenapa. Tapi ternyata ga boleh begitu. Biarin dia belajar, men. She'll be great. Inget, taun depan dia 2 tahun. Buy her some present will you.
• On the other notes, Selvy getting 26th. Jangan lupa belikan hadiah. Dan kalau belum lahiran dan dia sudah tidak mual2 lagi, ajak jalan-jalan bareng Zell juga. Kasian mereka di rumah terus.
• Tahun ini lo melakukan hal yang baru, totally baru. You made a fucking game. A playable game. A FUCKING PLAYABLE TABLETOP RPG GAME!!! SHIT HEADS!! Akhirnya full circle, berawal dari gamer menjadi pembuat game. Gue harap di 2023 mendatang, lu lebih fokus ke hobby baru ini. And I know you will, karena lo sangat antusiastik sekali sedari awal lu membuat hal ini. Lu rela bergadang untuk mempersiapkan, membuat dan mendesign game ini dan beberapa supplementnya. You fucking into it and you make it as your newest passion. Keep it up, Man. I know you will love it.
• Lu masih belum belajar motor. Geblek. Jangan lupa : sudah deal dengan Mang Acoy lu akan jual ke dia. Amount belum terstate, tapi sudah ada deal man-to-man. Belajar. Motor. Dulu. Biar nazar lo kebayar juga pak. Kalo ga, dosa lu nambah.
• Lu belum jg ambil BPKB mobil. Nambah dah tuh anggaran 500 rebu buat denda.
• Oia, lu jg belum bayar pajak motor 2022. Damn.
• Perbanyak nonton film. Lu mulai banyak menemukan channel di Youtube yang menjajakan full movie tidak jelas. Gunakan kesempatan itu untuk menambah imajinasi dan inspirasi lu.
• Jangan lupa untuk selalu menabung. 1juta untuk Alodie, 3juta untuk tabungan bulanan. Semoga lu tetap bisa selalu menabung.
• JANGAN LUPA BELAJAR ROLLERBLADE!!!
• I hope mom and dad and kaik and ading sehat2 di 2023 mendatang. I also hoping Nabila bisa survive di Astra, dengan segala ke hectican dan keribetan yang saat ini dia rasakan. Disaat lu menulis ini pun, dia bekerja dan baru pulang 30 menit lalu.
• Always shows your love to your love ones. Every. Single. of. Them.

I think that's all yang bisa gue fikirkan sekarang. I hope you well. I hope 2023 will be challenging and bring fortune and good things to you, and your family.

Happy New Year 2023.

May the good things roll.

Log Date : 31 Dec 2021 - #DearFutureMe

 Hi, Future Rizki!

It's me, 2021 Rizki, saying hi from the past to you! Semoga lo selalu diberikan kesehatan dan keberkahan untuk kalian semua disana! How's Zell dan Bundo? Semoga mereka selalu diberikan kesehatan dan keberkahan ya! Dan apakah Zell sudah punya adik?? Ho-Ho-Ho, you sly bastard, way to go if you do!! Are Mom and Dad and Ading fine? I hope they still happy and accompanying all of you!!

Well, I just want to say Hi, maybe it's been a rough week for you, and it's almost the end of 2021. I think it's our obligation to give ourselves some pat on the back and preparing some reminders for our futures for some memories log! Maybe grab some popcorn, just a bit. It won't take too long

OK, let me start:

• CONGRATULATIONS!! our beloved daughter have born! She was a cute girl since day one and getting cuter and funnier and smarter day by day! Don't forget to keep sending her photos and videos to her email! I'll start sending it to her tomorrow.
• You got some raise and lifted of the SP Ban as per this December!! And I hope I took a right decision for us in the future regarding our job. Please, remember what you believed : give contribution, do not seek for recognition, awards come for those who worth.
• Remember From These Boxes? You started it on this year! How's it going of there? I hope you got some significant improvement since today.
• And also remember that you have that Jotaro Kujo's costume? Still using it? Why you still using it, man!? But yeah, I'll be happy if you still wear it.
• This year is your First Anniversary with Bundo! All is well and I hope still going well for many billion years ahead! We love our wife so much, and She love us too. No doubt in that shit.
• ESSE's HONEYPOP is the best!
• Remember that you have a bunch of shiny glittering cards that might have some valuables in the future. Keep it clean, keep it pristine. And also some HotWheels and some toys. But don't sell them! Fuck, they are your treasure, man! Don't sell them at all cost. Sell the cards.
• Do you add more books in our tsundoku collection? What books do you add? Man, I hope I managed to recap all the books we have. I'll put it right here, if I managed to finished it.
• Ading finished her GradSchool this year. Did she got her first job yet? I hope she managed it well!! Can't wait to see what she capable of professionally. She'll make Dad proud.
• Managed to drive the motorbike yet? You won the Office's Grandprize this year! It's a motorbike.
• And the last thing to gave you some reminder: you managed to pass a half of 2021 as a LiveStreamer on Twitch, and after the birth of our beloved daughter, you managed to gain some viewers on Youtube as FTB and sold some singlecards on TokPed.

I think that's all I want to say and remind you. I hope it's enough - I focused on the significant ones that might be helpful one day in the future.

Stay healthy and stay foolish, my friend. Give Zell and Bundo and Mom and Dad and Ading some kisses and hugs. I love them so much.

Smell you around,

2021 Rizki